


Pushing the Limits

by ma_jewelry



Category: Super Junior
Genre: ..... - Freeform, Angst, M/M, don't assume we know things about them and don't attack others for being close to them, i wrote this in the hopes that ppl would be nicer to idols, pls, thank
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-30
Updated: 2015-10-30
Packaged: 2018-11-07 16:34:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,794
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11062872
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ma_jewelry/pseuds/ma_jewelry
Summary: Hyukjae makes a fatal mistake with his personal trainer on one holiday in Rome.





	Pushing the Limits

Hyukjae opened his eyes.

Other than his own light breathing, he could also feel the rhythmical puffs of air that blew into his face from the close proximity between him and the other. He wanted to rub his eyes to help himself wake up more, but there was a boyfriend in his left arm and said boyfriend was clinging tightly onto his right one. Even his legs couldn’t escape, firmly tangled in the other’s shorter ones as if they were never going to be pulled apart ever again.

There was a warm glow in the room, a result of the strong sunlight that seeped through closed curtains, reminding Hyukjae that they had to get up. He gazed fondly at the angelic face of his boyfriend, not having the heart to wake him up, let alone separate their bodies.

“Donghae-ah, wake up.”

There was no reaction, as expected. Hyukjae smiled and leaned closer to press their lips together. When he pulled back, the other's shut eyes squeezed together slightly.

“Hae, come on, it’s time to get up.”

A muffled whine of protest. Seeing that this was getting nowhere and wanting to let the younger rest a little longer, Hyukjae untangled himself with much difficulty and slid off the bed. He had work today, so although he would have preferred to cuddle the marshmallow bundle on the bed for the whole day, he had to clean up, get ready, and leave ready-made breakfast on the table for when Donghae’s hunger overrode his laziness.

Hyukjae knew he was spoiling the younger, but he couldn’t help it. The pair had first met when they were both fourteen, in the school canteen, and have been together ever since for fifteen years. Donghae had admitted that for some reason unknown to himself, he felt like he “needed to get close to Hyukjae fast and be his friend”. Since then his boyfriend had endlessly teased him about falling in love with him at first sight, but they both knew that it was the same for Hyukjae too.

Trying to find the shirt that he felt like wearing today, and still not finding it after wasting precious minutes that threatened being late, Hyukjae frowned in frustration when the shirt was revealed under a pile of Donghae’s clothes. He told himself to ignore how the younger had once again carelessly left his clothes all over the place in an untidy mess, but Hyukjae could not help the irritation pricking at him when he realised that Donghae had taken his clothes and worn it without his permission. Again.

He dropped the wrinkled clothing, grabbed whatever clean shirt he could find from the wardrobe, and left their apartment to go to work.

 

*

 

He bowed to his sunbaes as they passed, greeting them good morning, receiving many more deep bows from his hoobaes when they passed him. Hyukjae had begun his career as a fashion model early after graduation, and had worked his way to the top of SM Corporation using his quick learning skills and ability to befriend everyone who met him. There was no one that could escape the happiness and comfort that Hyukjae brought along with him everywhere, the only possible ill feelings towards him being envy that he had such a successful life.

Hyukjae closed the door to his private office, finding unsurprisingly that his trainer, Nae Jongseok, was already there waiting for him. Even though it was called his ‘office’, the man barely stayed there for more than a few minutes of each day, spending most of his time down at the gym to keep in shape, or to attend photoshoot schedules. There wasn’t much interesting drama that went on for a model, even one as experienced as Hyukjae, but he enjoyed his work and the effort he put into it.

“Hyung, good morning,” He greeted. 

“Morning, Hyukjae. You don’t have any schedules this morning, so let’s go straight down to the gym." Jongseok greeted back. "There’s also something I want to talk to you about, but we can discuss it while we exercise.”

“Sure, hyung. How was your weekend?” Hyukjae asked politely.

“Oh, nothing new. The parents are still trying to set me up on dates and still harassing me about grandchildren.” Jongseok puffed heavily through his nose.

“Haha, sounds fun. Did you meet some pretty girls?” He wondered what Donghae was doing right now.

“Yah, don’t be cheeky. Honestly, working at a place like this with people who are so handsome and pretty… I’ve gotten immune to looks already.” Jongseok's eyes lingered on Hyukjae's face, but the latter didn't seem to notice.

“Are you trying to hint that I’m handsome, hyung?” Hyukjae finally dragged himself back from thoughts of Donghae and processed the words his trainer had spoken.

“Hyukjae, did you forget to take your medicine this morning?” He rolled his eyes. 

“I don’t need medicine, hyung. I’m just saying though, you don't need to tell me that I’m handsome. I already know that.” Hyukjae grinned. He knew the other would be used to his jokes already.

“Just… get in there and start with 20k on the treadmill!” Jongseok threw this bag into the storage box and pointed to the equipment.

“But hyung, that’s double what we normally do!” Hyukjae protested.

“Don’t argue with me. I’m doing this to keep your face nice and handsome. We wouldn’t want you to get any less handsome now, would we?” He smiled in a cheshire-cat fashion, ignoring Hyukjae's whines.

Hyukjae pouted, but followed his trainer’s instructions nevertheless. When he finished all the training for the morning, he was dripping with sweat, exercise shirt fitting closely around his body and showing all the defined muscles. His trainer was watching all of his movements, studying his body, and even though Hyukjae knew that it was his job to do that, he still felt a bit self-conscious every time someone stared at him so blatantly.

He wiped himself down with a towel before beginning his warm down stretches. Seeing that Hyukjae was in a relatively more relaxed state and could talk with him, Jongseok revealed the surprise that was waiting.

“Hyukjae-ah, how long has it been since you went on a holiday?” He hinted at the topic slowly.

“Well, I went to Jeju island a couple of weeks ago, but I just watched a movie and went bowling, which I could have done in Seoul anyways, and…” Hyukjae was interrupted.

“No, I meant, a real holiday. Because guess who’s being funded by SM to go to Rome next week?” Jongseok grinned. 

“Wait… me? But- wouldn’t that just be another schedule and not a holiday?” His large eyes blinked rapidly. This sounded too good to be true.

“That would be correct, except the plane tickets say that we’re leaving in two days. So we have a whole week before we have to work!” Jongseok wiped away all his worries.

“That’s great!” Hyukjae’s eyes sparkled with excitement. Rome… he couldn’t wait to have some relaxation time with his trainer, who was more of a close friend than a co-worker. He’ll also see if he could get Donghae to come on the trip, too.

 

*

 

Hyukjae opened his eyes.

Apart from the disappointment that Donghae couldn’t leave his photography job at such short notice, Hyukjae had never been happier in the past week. It was definitely exhausting, walking what felt like the whole of Rome to see all the famous monuments, but he had fun the whole time. And the discovery of the best strawberry ice cream he ever had brought the trip up to a whole other level.

Currently, he was lying on the oversized sofa of his own hotel suite, a glass of wine in his right hand and a slice of pizza in the other. Finally, he didn’t have to endure the off-putting seafood pizza that Donghae demanded to have every time they ordered, and he clinked his glass with the one to his right, held in the hand of his trainer who had joined him for a movie before he would return to his own suite to sleep.

Swirling the dark red liquid around his tongue and closing his eyes again briefly, Hyukjae scolded himself for keeping away from alcohol for a total of twenty-seven years. Admittedly, he was proud that he kept the childhood promise of staying sober to one close friend, but the way his head spun lightly and his body seemed to start floating was worth any hangovers or side-effects the delicious substance might give him.

Hyukjae was still thinking about the magic that was alcohol when he realised that out of nowhere, something was standing up in his pants and it was growing in discomfort. On the screen, the movie that Hyukjae wasn’t really watching but couldn’t avoid hearing showed two entwined figures, both naked, filling the room with sounds more than enough to make the shy man turn beet red.

He inclined forward to put everything in his hands down on the table, thinking frantically about what he should do now. To his horror, he came up with no solution, and his body leaned back automatically to return to lying on his back with that embarrassing boner fully in sight. It’s ok, he reassured himself. It’s not like this is something we men can control. Even Jongseok hyung has a boner too. It’s ok.

Hyukjae stopped in his tracks and slowly turned his head to the right. He even surprised himself with how unashamedly he was staring at the tent in the older man’s lower regions, and it wasn’t until a hand waved in front of his face that he shuddered, snapping out of it.

“…did you hear what I said? I don’t really know my way around here, especially at night, but I’m sure we can find a club if we just follow sounds of blasted music or something…” Jongseok's words were a blur to him.

“What?” Hyukjae blinked.

“… I know your English is quite bad, but you know how to say 'club' in English, right? We can ask somebody…” he continued.

“Wait, hyung. Why do we need to find a club?” Hyukjae frowned.

“Well, if I’m not mistaken about what’s making that shape in your pants, which I’m pretty sure is the same thing I have right now, we should go to a club so we can find… help to get rid of them.” He made an understanding expression. 

Hyukjae stared at his hyung before the insinuation sank in, and he started to shake his head furiously.

“No, I won’t. I don’t want to cheat on Donghae. Not with some stranger.” He said, frantic. 

“Ok then, what are you going to do? Give yourself a handjob? I definitely want more than that, but I’m not going out at night in this foreign place if you’re not coming with me,” Jongseok said.

Hyukjae’s mind wasn’t functioning properly thanks to the alcohol, but he still tried to think of a way to solve the problem. Finally, a light bulb came on over his head and he gave a bright gummy smile, proud that he had found a perfect solution.

“I know, hyung. I can help you.” He got it.

“…what?” Jongseok wasn’t sure if he heard right. Then Hyukjae placed himself in front of the older man’s crotch, and the trainer was too shocked to do anything except watch with wide eyes, fear, and anticipation.

“Hyung’s not a stranger. And I don’t mind. So we both get what we want.”

His pants were pulled down and there was no going back.

 

*

 

Hyukjae opened his eyes.

He groaned, lying on his left, feeling every muscle in his body ache with any slight movements he made, so he decided to just not move at all to avoid the soreness. Although it wasn’t his first time bottoming, this time he felt different, as if someone had massaged what would normally be a stinging pain down to a numb throbbing. He wondered if Donghae had finally taken care of him for once after topping, and then forgot how to breathe when he remembered that it wasn’t Donghae who he was with last night.

The model could feel the presence of someone sleeping behind him, their shared duvet rising slightly with every breath the other made. Without warning, tears started to stream down his face as he realised what had happened and what he had done. He would never forgive himself.

Hyukjae hadn’t noticed how loud his sobs were getting, or the shuffling sounds of his trainer getting up and circling around the bed. Tissues were hastily brought to his eyes in an attempt to soak up the tears, but they seemed to have no end. If Hyukjae had opened his eyes, and somehow managed to see past the pools of tears, he would have cried even more at the guilt that was on the older man’s face, etched deeply into his furrowed eyebrows.

Jongseok didn’t know what to say. At first he had tried resisting, but the man was too strong. It was ironic how Jongseok himself was the one who trained him into this slim figure who contained an astonishing amount of power inside. But as he watched the model’s puffy eyes and lips pulling to the sides in the act of crying, Jongseok wanted to punch someone for making the other like this. Namely, himself.

After all the tears had emptied out of Hyukjae, he felt more tired than when he had just woken up. Jongseok dabbed the tissues one last time on his dry face, and didn’t dare to touch him any further.

“We can pretend it never happened. I won’t tell anyone. Only we will know.” He tried to offer the younger man a solution.

Hyukjae was too exhausted to think. He nodded, still in a post-crying daze, and blushed slightly when a low rumble came from under the covers.

“I’ll get you something to eat.” Jongseok quickly stood up to first throw the tissues away.

“Wait,” Hyukjae’s voice was hoarse, so he cleared it twice before continuing. “I want to ask you something before we stop talking about this.”

Jongseok turned back, his expression still unsettled from the guilt.

“Did you… massage me?” Hyukjae couldn’t look at the other man’s face so he fixed his gaze at a speck on the wall.

The trainer was somewhat relieved that it was such an easy question, thus he answered without hesitation before walking out of the room to order some food.

“Yes, of course. I couldn’t let you stay sore afterwards.”

He missed the way Hyukjae’s face deepened two shades in colour. Not from what had been done to him, but how it was the first time he was treated with such care like this.

 

*

 

Donghae opened his eyes.

First, what bugged him was the uncomfortable stickiness between his legs that he had never woken up to before. Had Hyukjae forgot to clean him? Then it was the fact that the bed contained only himself, his boyfriend nowhere to be seen. Grunting in annoyance while lifting himself up, Donghae decided to go to the lounge instead of the bathroom when he heard Hyukjae’s unmistakable laughter coming from that direction.

“Are you bored?”

“I think you’re definitely bored.”

“After all, if it’s not me, who would play with you?”

As Donghae approached the voice, he realised that he was talking on the phone. The brunette didn’t think anything about the nature of the call until he heard the next line and his hand banged into the wall in shock.

“We can play like last time, when I let you fuck me in my office, or we could-” Hyukjae stopped mid-sentence, interrupted by the loud noise behind him. He stiffened, knowing perfectly well who it was that made the sound.

“I’ve gotta go. We’ll talk later.” He ended the call and turned around.

Truthfully, Hyukjae had expected Donghae to be angry. He had expected him to scream at him, demanding an explanation, or punch him with tears flying out of his naturally sad-looking eyes.

He hadn’t expected the other- his boyfriend whom he had known for fifteen years- to utter out two short words with a blank look on his face. He hadn’t expected the person he had cheated on to decide on the final words he would ever say to Hyukjae with such ease. Such effortlessness.

“We’re over.”

 

*

 

Hyukjae ignored the timid expressions on his hoobae’s faces as he stormed past them, dismissing their judging looks. Donghae was still not responding him, not even giving him a chance to say anything to the younger. He knew that he was at fault, and even if he did explain how he had been cheating on the other, they would never get back together. But it still pissed him to no end that his boyfriend—ex-boyfriend—had given up on their relationship with such little difficulty.

He didn’t want to admit that he still wanted to feel like an existence Donghae couldn’t live without. With how much he pampered and spoiled the other, he wouldn’t be surprised if Donghae had a little trouble without him. Yet after weeks, months, there was still no news from him, and Hyukjae felt utterly crushed that his boyfriend really treated him as something so dispensible.

The model pushed open the door to his office and received more disappointment when it was empty. He needed to relieve some stress right now more than anything, and that required someone—specifically someone called Jongseok- to help him.

When he found him, Hyukjae wished he had never searched for him at all. His trainer had his tongue down a newly-debuted female model’s throat, grinding her against the wall, and all Hyukjae wanted to do was turn around and vomit. He thought about how that same tongue had been sliding against his own just yesterday, then started to gag on reflex.

The intrusive sound broke the bodies apart; the girl gratefully left after Jongseok whispered in her ear. He stepped in front of Hyukjae, who had calmed down by now, and sliced his heart with the next cold words.

“We should stop seeing each other.”

Hyukjae began to dry heave again, tears rising to his eyes more because the man opposite him did not care at all to pat his back or respond in any way. And he knew that he would never be treated that way again, as if someone loved him, because Donghae was already gone.

“Was it something I did?” Hyukjae’s voice sounded like sandpaper scraping across his vocal chords. The older man’s brows pulled down in distaste.

“It’s who you are. Hyukjae, did you really think that anything could ever happen between us? Did you forget how much my parents wanted grandchildren? If it weren’t for your body, I would’ve never agreed to playing with you for a few months. But now I have to come back to reality and live my life. So please don’t bother me anymore.”

He walked away.

Everything went black.

 

*

*

*

*

*

 

Hyukjae opened his eyes.

Other than his own light breathing, he could also feel the rhythmical puffs of air that blew into his face from the close proximity between him and the other. He wanted to rub his eyes to help himself wake up more, but there was someone in his left arm and said person was clinging tightly onto his right one. Even his legs couldn’t escape, firmly tangled in the other’s shorter ones as if they were never going to be pulled apart ever again.

He started sobbing.

“Hyuk… What time is it?... Hyuk! What’s wrong? Don't cry… it’s ok, shhh… don’t cry, I’m here...”

“H- Hae, It- it hurt so much…” The weeping grew louder, then he was burying his head into the other’s chest, bawling his eyes out.

“It’s ok… it’s ok… shh… calm down…. It was just a nightmare, it wasn’t real… ” Donghae stroked the back of his boyfriend’s head softly, again and again, until the man finally reduced to sniffles and shudders, tired from the energy-exhausting act of crying.

The younger wondered briefly just what had the potential to bring so many tears out of his boyfriend. Then he threw the thought away, knowing that Hyukjae was a big crybaby, and returned to pressing kisses all over the older man’s hair to soothe his emotions.

“You… you left me!” Hyukjae accused him, more tears gushing out as his illusions mixed in with the present. “You just... disappeared… and then you never came back again.”

Donghae tightened his embrace on the slightly thinner man, knowing that he could do nothing except try to explain that it was just a dream. “Why did I leave you?” He asked carefully, thinking that if Hyukjae couldn’t find a logical explanation, he would realize that it wasn’t real.

The brunette’s eyes widened in shock as a new wave of tears, much stronger than the first now that Hyukjae had woken up completely, burst out of the other’s eyes. He helplessly clutched the upset man closer, himself on the verge of tears also, not knowing how to appease the guilt pouring out of his crying boyfriend.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.” Hyukjae sobbed. “I’m sorry I ch- cheated on you.”

Smoothing down the other’s back, Donghae realised that it was useless to try and convince Hyukjae it wasn’t real. So he tried to go along with the elder, see if he could resolve this in Hyukjae’s dream world, and stop it from haunting his real life once and for all.

“It’s alright. I forgive you.”

“But… I was so cruel to you… I hurt you so much…” He shook his head desperately.

“Hyukjae, listen to me. Think about what you did, and ask yourself, would you really do that? I love you, and I know you love me too. So whatever you did to hurt me, ask yourself, would you still have done that if you had loved me?”

The older man had settled down once again, though his fingers were still shaking and his lips were still trembling.

“Hyukjae, even if you would have done whatever it is that you did to hurt me, I want you to know that I would never just disappear. Not without making sure that you didn’t love me anymore. So if you think that, or you doubt my love for you, then you can keep crying and I won’t stop you.”

The quivering fingers searched upwards until they found Donghae’s neck, then circled around as Hyukjae pulled himself closer to said man’s face. Donghae smiled at the tear-smeared face in front of him, puffy eyelids and blood-shot eyes to match, but with all traces of distress gone.

He had never seen something more beautiful in his entire life.


End file.
